Here's the Harmonypark cheat sheet on 'How To Achieve Internet Marketing Banality',
A.K.A 'How Not To Launch Your Startup / App / Service / Thing'.
--
(in no particular order...)
(1) - Create an app that you don't use yourself, or worse:
(2) - Get frustrated when your friends don't really want to use your app.
(3) - Exaggerate the problem you solve so it doesn't feel marginal, and then hope that the magical Long Tail effect will make you rich and famous.
(4) - Do a beta without any stated goals, and no notion of what you're trying to learn from it.
(5) - Expect people to spend more than 60 seconds to sign up to your service.
(6) - Be "freemium" because you don't dare to scare users away by charging for your awesome and indispensable new service.
(7) - Try really really hard to get a little post about you in Techcrunch, Mashable et al because it will solve all of your marketing problems.
(8) - Mail blogs and sites that you have no rapport with about featuring your app, and then not follow up on your initial mails with a single phone call.
(9) - Pay for expensive online banner spots on other apps and blogs that you like because al the other companies are doing it.
(10) - Search for web forums that mention the problem that you solve and post a one-off comment that mentions your solution.
(11) - Start a new Twitter account and follow lots of people but gain almost no followers and not really care about the tweets that you follow as you only really desire to create a broadcast channel and not a dialogue.
(12) - Have a blog, but don't post to it.
(13) - Lose your mojo when you discover that another bright spark has had a similar app idea to you.
(14) - Say that your app is "the easiest way to" do something.
(15) - Wait until you have 100+ features before you do a first release, and then disagree with users when the feedback they give you tells you that your features aren't so hot, aren't needed or aren't even discoverable.
(16) - Try to please everyone with your software.
(17) - Make an iPhone/iPad app because it will generate insane buzz about you.
(18) - Setup a mass mailshot and have no idea which category your readers might fall into (dead lead / live lead / lapsed user / current user ).
(19) - Never talk to your users at all. Not even one person, once, in any shape or form.
(20) - Ignore your users' natural desire to gain fame, kudos and recognition online from their peers.
(21) - Go to lots of networking events only to spam the people you meet about your amazingly amazing startup.
(22) - Talk about hosting some "tech drinks" somewhere. Probably a shitty bar (but it has wifi!), and then never get around to doing it, or worse, never do anything social and fun with your brand or for your community.
(23) - Take your own personality / style out of your copy and visuals and pr in an effort to make yourself more 'investor friendly'.
(24) - Prototype a new app idea and then ditch it after a month for the next big thing because magically it hasn't made you rich and famous yet (and then repeat cycle).
(25) - Worry that people will want to steal your hot idea. "If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats" - Howard H. Aiken
--
We' came up with this list as a bi-product of thinking about 'how not to launch'' Elementalise
Feel free to add your own Tips on How Not To Launch Your Startup / App / Service / Thing as a comment.
